Problems - Yesterday.
I have been seriously disassociating and - I don't know how to best describe it - blanking in and out of groups yesterday. I didn't mention that in my last post due to the fact I was at the library writing that. But next time I'll tell straight up - there or not.
I feel like running back into the hospital. Why? Because of the fact that I don't feel that I am ready to face the realities of life. I feel that I am not getting what I need from this facility, though I like what they have to offer. I feel that they are not for me. They give me a discount, yes, but they take, and I am sorry to every one of the safe and yet homeless or jobless (because I am) or very sick or retarded persons, any bum who happens to come their way. Anyone who has a problem, they take under their wing. Anyone. Anyone. Anyone! It's a major pain in the fucking ass! I am so sick of it. I brought this up in a group.
I feel more fucking traumatized there in group, then I do in the outside world!
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to say.
I am so afraid of them.
I am so afraid of everyone.
I need help.
Maybe Horsham's partial would be best for me for a while. Maybe they are who I need and not this other place - Central. I know Horsham is a good hospital. Very reputable. Central is basically there for anyone and everyone. While that's fine, that's not fine for me.
Got to go.
Suggestions or help appreciated.
Take care, be well, love.
(Crossposted to other groups and my main journal.)
Sincerely, Current Mood: confused